Saturday Night Cruisin’

Saturdays are tough, man. It’s the day where our week SHOULD be ended, but we both drag ourselves through one.more.day. In our little town, it’s the day that all the folks come in from the hills to sell their vegetables at the market and run their errands. So Mr. Crônicas has to open the store, come hell…

‘Merrica, Can We Talk?

[Scene – A car in a mall parking lot, in a Red State somewhere.] California: Middle America, honey, can we talk? I know I said I needed a new dress for the Inaugural Ball, and the help of my best gals to pick it out, but that was a lie. Your wedding is just a…

Elevator Talk

They were all waiting for the elevator: a businessman, a young man and his stylish wife. Three in a row, all staring at their cell phones.  The young man sighed and reached out to impatiently tap the “Up” button again. The tall, thin Steve Buschemi look-alike in the business suit looked up. “It’s on strike,”…

Fotocrônica: Cattle Country

It was a Friday night and we were driving down Main Street. There was a COW ambling down the opposite lane. No one was behind her, no one trying to get her back into a corral, she was just on her way up the block. This gives you an idea of how rurally imbedded we…

The Oxymoron of American Pizza in Brazil

Brazilians have a funny idea of what is American. It’s a cross between what they see on TV and what they think is cool (which may or may not have anything to do with actual American customs. To point, behold the “American Pizza” we enjoyed last night: sausage (check), cheese (check), sauce (check), ham (check),…

Crazy Kitchen Chickens

Our outdoor kitchen is infested with crazy chickens. Crazy or just incredibly dumb, but then dumb just comes with chicken territory. These two ladies take the cake, though. It all started normally enough, with them selecting roosting spots within the kitchen. Ever seen it happen? It’s cute. Like newlyweds apartment hunting, the rooster leads the hens…

Aerial Slumber Party

Have you ever flown internationally? Something strange happens when you pack two hundred people together in a confined space for nine to twelve hours. We lose all sense of propriety; really, it takes a strong individual to stand on formality past the second hour. First shoes come off, before you know it we’re telling deepest…

Fotocrônica: Too Many Avocados?

I suppose it’s possible to have too much of a good thing. Too many avocados? I’m not sure that’s possible. What? You don’t store your extra avocados in the oven?

Gringofobia

My favorite commercial these days is this one by Englishtown.com for English classes.  It is titled “Overcome your Gringophobia” and begins with: “GUYS–THE GRINGO IS COMING!!!” The rest explains itself. Sometimes the line between satire and reality is very blurry.  I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this exact expression on the face of more than one shop…

P.S., Bureaucrazy and Bank Accounts – Part 3

P.S., After all that, the bank account STILL didn’t come through immediately. How many of you saw that one coming? My account remained blocked for some unknown reason, even after the requisite waiting period. The post office branch where I made the account sent me to the main bank. The main bank looked in the system and said the post office hadn’t entered…

Back of the line Grandma!

It was hot. The supermarket was crowded with tired, cranky people (me) doing their shopping after a long work day.  The line wasn’t unreasonable given the time of day, but it couldn’t move fast enough for me. TWO people in front of me. ONE person in front of me.  THERE. I reached into my basket…